NPR Spoof, Anonymous

NPR Spoof, Anonymous

 

The following is the transcript for NPR Spoof, Anonymous.

 

MM:  Anonymous grabbed the attention of most Americans in 2011 when sites like Fox News, Sony Corporation, and even the FBI were hacked, their sensitive data plundered and published freely on the internet.

 

(0:16)

 

Clip, Anonymous:  People of America, awaken to the corruption within your government.  Awaken to the shame of your own self-involvement.  You are slaves to your corporate masters… (fade out)

 

(0:21)

 

MM:  The tactics of Anonymous range from denial-of-service attacks, and website defacement, to donating money from pilfered credit accounts to various charities.

 

Even with all this robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, Anonymous must also work a day job.  We caught up with Anonymous working at Expect Bagels, in New York’s Grand Central Terminal.  (

 

(0:47)

 

Sound FXAmbient lobby sounds. Train arrive & depart. 

 

Anon:  The reign of the elites has come to an end.  We will show the people that they’ve been asleep, beginning April 1st… (beat) excuse me.

 

Patron 1: Can I get a pizza bagel?

 

Anon:  Regular or pepperoni, Kathy?

 

Patron 1:  Regular.  You remember my name?  Wow, I’ve only been here once!

 

Anon:  I never forget.  You want that warmed up?

 

Patron 1:  Yeah.

 

(1:05)

 

FX:  toaster popping, coffee beans & grind, cash register, coffee cup & spoon clinks.

 

MM:  Anonymous – Anon, informally – works an eight hour shift at Expect Bagels, Sunday through Thursday.  The bagel shop is busy, and exhaustive work.  I asked Anon how he manages work at the shop by day, while fighting for internet freedom by night.

 

(1:24)

 

Anon:  I do it for the lolz.  I am the 99 percent, and we are legion.  Bankers, capitalists…

 

Patron 2:  Yo, lemme have a poppy bagel and a regular coffee.  You got spreads?

 

Anon:  The spreads are listed on the board.

 

Patron 2:  Jalapeno spread?  Yo, is that hot?

 

Anon:  It’s a little spicy, but mild.

 

Patron 2:  Nah, man.  It’ll mess with my stomach.  How much it come to?  99 cents?  Hah!  Forget about it!

 

Anon:  I’ll remember you!  And I won’t forgive!

 

(1:49)

 

MM:  Enlightenment is never easy.  Michael Michaels, NPR News.

 

Music Outro, fade out.

 

(2:00)


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Charley or Charlee?

The following is a reprinting, used by permission, of Maxwell Huffington’s interview with Margarit Tannehill, from the February issue of the Santa Clarita Daily Reader.

I recently had the opportunity to sit and talk with Margarit Tannehill, artistic director of Smash! Theatre, and renown, avant-garde, writer-director of noted works such as Squares Pegs in Round Holes, and Naked Thoughts from Naked Bodies. Her upcoming production, Where’s Charlee?, a gender bending take on the Frank Loesser, George Abbot musical Where’s Charley? will be seen by Santa Clarita residents at the Canyon Community School Performing Arts Center, beginning Saturday, March 3.

MH: You’ve re-imagined the popular musical Where’s Charley? What attracted you to this piece?

Tannehill: I was struck by the notion that the play by Brandon Thomas, Charley’s Aunt, is essentially about deception. It was written toward the end of the Victorian period in England, and features three privileged young men, attending Oxford, with plans to coerce their girlfriends into marriage. The play explores issues of transgenderism, violence against women, and elitism. Quite remarkable for a play written in this era.

MH: You’ve described the play very accurately, but what of the musical variety? Why choose to reinvent the musical, and not the play? Is there singing and dancing in your version?

Tannehill: No. Not in the traditional sense. The purpose of examining these important issues, using the musical format, was to create a disconnect for the audience. To bring them out of their comfort zone. If the play is too musical, the audience gets swept away with feeling, rather than having their world views shaken.

MH: So we shouldn’t expect any rousing choral numbers, or passionate solos?

Tannehill: None. Think of Japanese Kabuki. It is music. The subtle and forceful rhythms are the pianissimo and forte. Eastern culture has always defined itself by it’s connection to the earth. It is rooted. The staccato stamping of the feet, resonating into the earth, summons both energy, but also courage. This is what we lack in the West.

MH: Would you say that is your mission, to bring to light that which we lack in our culture?

Tannehill: Of course. That is what theatre – all art – must do. It is our special duty to point out the hypocrisy of ordinary life. What we think is safe, is not. We think we know, but after all the layers of the onion are peeled, we’re left with nothing. Nothing but emptiness. But that is what we must feel to be human. We must be empty vessels, or we are imposing our own conditions on others.

MH: Is that what Charlee represents?

Tannehill: She/he is the embodiment of the unknowable, the invisible thread, woven from one consciousness to another.

MH: I see. And what of the libretto? I have heard you made significant alterations to the text, economizing the spoken word.

Tannehill: Through workshop with my cast, we have identified specific traits to each character, distilling the text to a single word which most embodies each thought. The rest of the words we replaced with gesture.

MH: Because our time is short, I want to ask you now about casting. You have an unusual process. Could you explain for our readers how you go about this process, and why?

Tannehill: I am unconditional about nontraditional casting. It is essential to the outcome of the work. The power of a play like Where’s Charlee? can only be felt if our perception is completely, devastatingly challenged. This is why I have avoided prejudging my actors. When I hold a casting call, I do not look at my actors. I don’t want to be influenced by their weight or height, their race or ethnicity. Therefore, I have them enter the room unseen, and perform their audition from behind a screen. Additionally, they are not to speak. In this way, I will feel their energy without interference, or transference of personal bias.

MH: Thank you. It was a pleasure to learn about your upcoming production of Where’s Charlee?

Smash! Theatre will present Where’s Charlee? March 3 – 11. All performances begin at 8PM, with Sunday matinee at 2PM. There is no Monday performance. Tickets are $36 and available through the Daily Reader website, or at the Arts Center box office, Monday to Friday, 10AM to 6PM. The EcoKids Warriors will be selling drinks and snacks in the lobby before the show and during intermission.

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Call Me Saint Woebegone (About Me)

Call me Saint Woebegone.

I am the dim light of last hopes.

I am the blackened thumbnail,

splintered toe,

and knot on your head.

I hold my Bachelors in Irresolution, my Masters in Underachievement.

I received my training from the Saint of Mediocrity, who has yet to absolve me.

I am ineptitude, the bungling super hero of ill-timed adventure.

And I will make you whole.

I will unfold for you a life of inaction.

And I will watch over you.

I am Elmer Bumpnoggin, and I release you.

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Just Your Basic Algorithm For Constructing A Hollywood Flat

I came to Los Angeles from New York City many years ago with the hope of furthering my acting career. Like so many who do, I needed to earn a living while pursing my dream. Fortunately, I had taken an interest in set design and construction when earning my BA in theatre, and was able to find work building sets for television.

“Flats” are the building blocks of all Hollywood sets. A “Hollywood Flat” is today, the standard flat construction used on all professional film, television, and theatre sets.

A Hollywood Flat consists of 2 “Rails,” which are the top and bottom pieces, 2 “Stiles,” which are the longer, vertical sides, and 3 “Toggles,” spaced every 2’ inside the frame. They add rigidity to the flat. A “skin” of Luan is placed over the flat frame once it’s assembled. Then it’s painted, or wall papered, to represent a solid wall, just like in your home.

I’m going to explain how to make a Hollywood Flat.

Before you begin to make your flat, you will need the following tools and supply:

  1. Chop saw, or circular saw
  2. Pneumatic, or electric nail gun (staple gun)
  3. Screw gun (including a counter sink drill bit)
  4. Router (with a flush trim bit)
  5. Sander
  6. Measuring tape
  7. Pencil
  8. Wood glue
  9. Wood putty
  10. A box of 1 3/4” staples
  11. A box of 1 3/4” wood screws

OK. Here we go.

Step 1.

Make a “Cut List.” A Cut List tells you exactly how much lumber you will need.

For this example, your Cut List will include the following:

  • 5 sticks, 8’ lengths of 1” x 3” pine
  • 1, 8’ x 4’ sheet of Luan, 1/4” thickness

Cut the 1” x 3” into

  • 2, 7’ 10 1/2” lengths (Stiles)
  • 2, 4’ lengths (Rails) Note: You won’t get 2 4’ lengths from 1 stick, due to the thickness of the saw blade.
  • 3, 3’ 10 1/2” lengths (Toggles)

Tip: Always give your 1” x 3” pine a fresh cut on each end. The factory cut is not always square, and you will need your ends to be square. (you’ve got 3/4” on both ends to play with) Always measure twice, cut once!

Step 2.

Cut all your lengths using your Cut List, and mark them using a pencil so you will know what each piece is without having to measure again.

Step 3.

Assemble your pieces on a clean table, or the floor if need be. Start with just the outer frame, your Rails and Stiles. You’ll place your Toggles later.

Step 4.

Add a thin strip of wood glue to the end of your Stile where it meets the Rail. Join the Stile to the Rail, squaring it up by feeling with your fingers. Put 2 staples (1 3/4” staples) into the Stile, through the Rail at the bottom, then top. (you will put a single screw between these staples later).

Repeat this for each corner.

Step 5.

You will place your Toggles every 2’ center along the Stiles. Mark with a pencil, measuring from one end, at 2’, 4’, and 6’ on each Stile. One at a time, add a thin strip of wood glue to each end of a Toggle, place it into position, then staple in place just like you did with the outer frame.

Step 6.

You are going to put a single 1 3/4” wood screw in each place where you have stapled. The screw goes between the staple marks. Make sure to pre-drill each screw hole first using a narrow bit with a counter sink (the counter sink makes a shallow recess for the screw head to rest). If you don’t pre-drill, you will split your wood, ruining your hard work.

Step 7.

Add a thin strip of wood glue to the top of your frame, all the way around, including the Toggles. Next, carefully place your Luan sheet onto the frame, starting in one corner, and square it to the short edge (Rail) first. You may need someone to help you steady the Luan as you place it. Once in place, staple down through the Luan into your frame. Again, start in one corner, then follow the short edge (Rail), placing staples every foot as you square your Luan to the frame. Move up the Stile, stapling, until you have secured the Luan to the frame. Staple the Toggles last.

Tip: Mark the Luan over center of your Toggles, drawing a line. This is your guide when you staple into the Toggles.

Step 8.

It is best to include this step, though you have finished building your Hollywood Flat. Using a router with a flush trim bit, rout your edges. Most sheets of Luan are not exactly 8’ x 4’, leaving as much as an 1/8” overhang. The router will remove this excess where it exists, leaving your flat square. Next, sand everywhere there are rough patches, especially where you have stapled and screwed. Finally, using wood putty, fill in all holes and divots visible on the facing side of your Luan. Let dry, then sand. This will make your flat smooth, and easier to paint.

Congratulations.  You’ve made your first Hollywood Flat.

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The Written Word is Dead!

The written word is dead! Long live the spoken word!

I tried writing in a journal. In fact, I have a shelf full of half filled journals. Journal writing is a habit that never fully took. I can’t remember the last time I read one. I’m afraid to read one because my penmanship is so bad, I might misconstrue what I had written, and take offense.

I prefer to talk aloud to myself. I enjoy the company. It’s a habit I developed to sort through my thoughts and feelings. There was a time when this was considered crazy. “Hey youse! Who you talkin’ to?” A guy once yelled at me, as I walked in my Brooklyn neighborhood. “Myself,” I replied. “Whadda ya nuts?” He shouted.

I’m not crazy.

Living in the 21st century has it’s advantages. I can wander through a crowd wearing a Bluetooth, babbling about my problems, and no one is the wiser. In the car, I can go without the Bluetooth since everything is voice activated. (There is one caveat with talking alone in the car; make sure you don’t look like your rapping to the radio.)

I’ve never been good at texting. I marvel at young people who button mash at the speed of light – OMG and BTW and ROFL. I took typing in high school and now I’ve been reduced to typing with one finger on my iPhone. Thankfully, we now have talk to text. Apparently, too many people were writing while driving.

Can you believe, in ancient Egypt, a Scribe was considered a position of importance and high social rank? Before the Printing Press, most people couldn’t read or write. The typewriter made it possible for guys like me to share and preserve thoughts with total strangers. Now we are working our way back. Talk to text is like dictating to a Scribe. Texting shortcuts and emoticons are the cuneiform and pictographs of today.

Oral history is back, thank goodness. Talking is in my proverbial wheel house. I can talk faster than a writer can write, especially after a few pints. Try writing after a few pints. Most people talk more than they write. Why not? Writing is hard. Talk is cheap.

The written word is dead! Long live the spoken word!

LMAO.

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